Thoughts in the dark

I sit here in the dark. Empty house and an empty life. So long I search for the light that will guide me through the night. I see it and follow so long on the path only to discover that it is fireflies. Reality hits me like an anvil in a classic cartoon. This is it! That moment I have been long afraid of. I see that there is only emptiness and a void for me. No time! No time left to find the life that I have prayed for since I was a child. So much left to do, so much to accomplish. How did it go so wrong? How did I run out of time?

Prophet and therapist to some and hard case to others. My actions and intent misunderstood from the moment of it's emotional conception. How can I be better with so little time. The ones I love will never know anything more than what little fragments of memory they posses? How will I be remembered when the moment comes? What will be said of me? Will I be missed? I fear so much and know very little. This has to be a nightmare. Someone please know me for my soul and not my methods. There is so much more than I could ever hope to express to others.

So I sit here alone in the dark. Always alone. Never a moment of true joy other than the minutes I spend with my children I guess in the long run that is it. But I sit here alone and wait for my last visitor I will ever see. Wait just a little longer. Give me more time to see if there is hope for me.